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The boy has taken up the sport of pulling off his diaper. Poop spread across the sheets, onto blankets with a chunk resting under his left foot. And now clean-up had been added to our morning ritual.  He did his diaper misdemeanor in the wee hours of the morning perhaps we didn’t come quick enough to get him up. Or perhaps he no longer wished to have a soggy poopy diaper on his bum.

To reveal the situation, he is confined to a crib bed so he couldn’t get out to go to the potty if he wanted. But honestly even if he could get out he wouldn’t bother with going to the pot. He’d probably beshat the entire bathroom if we were lucky.

Our boy seems to have a Little Lord Fauntleroy demeanor. Downton Abbey with the upstairs mindset. Yes, we’re the moms but this also means we are the ones who dress him, serve him food and bathe him. As he has gotten older and because I feel independence is important I’ve been guiding him to take off his own shoes and socks, to put on his own shirt, to pull up his pants and pull-ups. Taking off the shoe and socks he’s mastered. But putting on shirts, and pants are hard.

Often I’m met with, “No, you do it Mama.”When there is extra time I allow the t-shirt to hang over his head as I coach him to pull it over and down. Sometimes he cries and other times he tries. So far he can’t do it by himself but that is age appropriate and learning is happening. With the early bird gets the worm cliché in mind I checked the monitor early the next morning. And there he was with his thumbs hooked on his diaper. From the monitor he took a deep breath and I took a big leap and burst into his room. “What are you doing?” I said with drama and pretend shock in my voice.

Sitting on his knees and his thumbs frozen in place he said, “Huunh.” As his mouth shaped the letter “O.” Uppercase.

“Don’t take that diaper off,” I said. “And give me a minute to wash my face.”

From the sink I looked at the monitor and the puzzled look on his face read: how did she know? So far there haven’t been any additional poopy diapers taken off. Just his pajama bottom.

Later I explained if he needs a diaper change call out, “Mama/Mommy diaper.” And I’ll come.Because who wants to clean up poopy sheets and feet, give him a morning bath after the nightly one while adding unnecessary time to the morning ritual? Answer: Zero people want to especially this Old Crow Lesbo.